White noise
a poem suspended somewhere between conscious & subconscious 🌫️｡*
white noise
🌫️｡* ⋆｡𖦹
finally
i lay my tired body to rest
in these sheets
my warm skin brushes
the coolness awaiting me
taking deep breaths
counting to three
let it out and back in
again, out and in
there’s something
in the back of my head
nagging
begging for my attention
i long press the button
a sound of soothing static
fills the space of the room
attempting to reduce
the noise in my head
and in only just a second
it succeeds
even as i descend
deeper into my psyche
scanning the crevices
of my memory
preparing for
the sorting of
today’s newly formed
waves crest and crash
in the corners of my mind
yet i can still make
out across the waters
a familiar sign
of distress
coming from beyond
trying to warn me
something’s wrong
static tingles in my ears
like grains of sand
creeping through the hourglass
which holds my life span
do i have more left above than below?
one can hope
though we never know
i keep getting this ghastly feeling like
i’m running behind, racing time
i’m late, i’m late for something
who’s got a clock, check it
is an alarm set?
but static fills my mind again
as i let the check-lists dissipate
pushing the worries away
as quickly as they came
knowing they’ll be back again
but in a different way
i tell myself that’s for
another me, another day
so i lay the self to my side
my conscious mind shifting
static begins to pull me under
following me into slumber
eyelids heavy and slightly
stinging from the screens
i assure myself
i deserve this rest
to alleviate the stress
that come with being
quieting the noise in my
mind by adding more
drowning out lingering
anxieties that come ashore
as i melt into the covers
my mood transforms
attempting to escape
from worries galore
like how i keep thinking
my best years are slipping
through my fingers
then suddenly i’m ushered
elsewhere
where time as we know it blurs
perception shifts
as i freely explore
familiar yet altered
landscapes of dreamcore
…static…
REM
…static…
cares and fears take new shape
in the form
of old friends, foes, and lovers
places, animals, liminal spaces
symbols, shapes, and colors
in the dreamworld
suspended between
who i was, who i am, and who i could be
filtering through possibilities
and conversations never had
exploring old routes
wondering if
i had taken a wrong path
somewhere along the map
…static…
is that the reason why
i feel so stuck?
so lost in wonderland
am i not where
i was meant to end up?
am i derailing off track?
oh how do i get back?
the white noise acts as
a constant through the night
something to keep me tethered
to my body and this bed
for without that silver cord
i’d surely float up and away
never to return
to this God-forsaken place
i would’ve wandered way too far
to ever find the trail back home
i would’ve found a better path
forward or backwards in time
would’ve tasted a better life
in a parallel plane
is there even such a thing?
or might this be the best we’ve got?
humanity’s ongoing project
if we ever got a chance
to peer through the looking glass
would it eventually end in triumph?
i toss and turn while minutes
tunnel down the funnel
plummeting through my grasp
witnessing life drifting past
might there be
something i’m forgetting?
…static…
REM
…static…
i went to visit a friend last night
to tell them that i miss them
that i’m sorry how it happened
a wide-eyed look and another apology
is that all it took? well no
because none of this is real
even if in some
dimension it could be
the cord they pull
to reel themselves back
will surely
wipe the memory clean
they’d forget me
and chalk it up as
“just a dream”
it’s only just a dream
…static…
how much duration has past?
where’d that mad rabbit go?
what’s the hour at hand?
is it time to arise?
slowly awaking from the cycle
could it be the AC,
rain and wind,
or ocean waves?
after awhile
the sounds blend the same
my shut eyes begin to notice
golden rays peaking
through lace curtains
as i so slightly let them open
allowing consciousness
to float back in
as sunlight greets me with a kiss
that same white noise
still running
…static…
my familiars still asleep
curled up next to me
and i’m still living, breathing
full awareness hasn’t risen
to the surface yet
so i hold onto this moment
dreamy and half-awake
treading amongst theta brain waves
which hold my active
and subconscious mind
bundled up in a plush
blanket for a time
before the i
that’s supposed to solve it all
clocks in for the day
…static…
let me just lay
let me drift away
“just a few more minutes”
i say
… static …
delay
delay
delay
…
…
…
I started drafting up this poem half asleep in bed with the white noise machine on (which is new for me) and I continued writing right as I awoke in the morning. My intention was for it to feel like journeying through the different stages of rest: from the mind racing, to drifting off to sleep, to dreaming, to slowly waking, to snoozing. I chose to continuously repeat “static” throughout the verses to convey the steady white noise that enveloped the background of the room as I slept—to give off that lucid effect.
dear reader, if you will, let me know what this poem made you feel. 💭
*all images & gifs used above are sourced from pinterest | below are my own*
When I think about this feeling of listening to white noise, there is a place in my memory that I revisit: Ruby Beach, WA
🌫️｡* ☁︎
♫⋆。♪ ₊˚⋆｡ﾟ☁︎☾ ﾟ｡⋆♫⋆。♪ ₊˚⋆
Explore more of my poetry:
wow wow wow, i absolutely love this. your work is so unique and immersive, i’m left speechless. beautiful piece!
I’m so glad you shared this on my page. There are so many beautiful things about this. The first thing I noticed was how clever your line breaks were. I started to feel myself slipping into the same state of the narrator and that’s how I knew you nailed it! In my opinion, though, the best part of this is the rhythm. It flows perfectly. It’s got somewhat of an eery feel that speaks to the anxiety of the narrator. Truly well done 🤍